Can a gay man be attracted to a straight woman

Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels. We were best friends for years, attending many Pride parades and taking weekend hiking trips. But last year, after a very drunken night, we slept together—and we still are today. He maintains that he still is, and always has been, a gay man.

After the first time, we were predictably awkward and British about it. That lasted maybe three days. The first few months had all the expected exciting parts of sleeping with your best bud, but they were also tinged with this brand new fresh thing. Oliver had never been with a woman before, and he was completely unaware of what a vulva or a clitoris was.

Fortunately, Oliver had the benefit of my feminist Orgasm Gap rants over the past five years, and took to the task of making me come with admirable tenacity. One of the sweetest moments of that year was finding the book She Comes First on his bedside table. Sleeping with Oliver was the complete opposite.

We both knew that he was doing something new, and our sex felt more like a comradic tutoring session.

Straight Women and Their Gay Husbands

I would guide his hand around me, telling him which parts were which, and he would enthusiastically ask a lot of questions. What a treat. While our sex lives have improved from being together, a year later I still feel nervous talking to my queer friends about our relationship.

Even though sexual fluidity is now more accepted, I feel like I only hear it talked about in terms of straight people becoming bisexual or gay. Evidence that gay men can want sex with women could be weaponized to suggest that being gay is just a phase, or that conversion therapy could actually work.

People could take my story and use it to invalidate the experiences of queer folk. But it also feels wrong to hide what Oliver and I have. Maybe other people have this arrangement, too? Oliver and I love each other, and we say it all the time. We have a house and a cat together.

We sleep in the same bed almost every night. He probably knows me better than anyone else, and I him. He explains it by arguing that being a straight man is defined as loving womenplural. Being a bisexual man is defined as loving men and women. Again, both plural.

Therefore, if a gay man were to be attracted to men, but only ever one woman, then he would still be gay. The woman he loves would be more like an asterisk. An exception. I found this compelling, and it made me think about sexuality in a fresh way. The straight friends we tell about us ask: Are we going out?

Are we fuckbuddies? Is it a situationship? Is he bisexual now?